Talking Shoes

President Bush is ready to get back to baseball, or so I first thought upon changing the channel to CNN this past Sunday night. 

I thought I was watching a sports update.  During what turns out to be a press conference in Iraq earlier in the day, a pair of shoes were flung, one by one, at the head of the departing President of our great land.  The footwear was coming across the plate with a fair bit of heat, but I felt Bush was able to lay off the pitches and avoid the chin music at the same time.  The secret service (the lack of chest protectors clued me in) never allowed it to get to a full count and constrained the pitcher after the second toss.  I am assuming the other throw was done immediately because Bush did not step out of the batters box and so the second shoe was a legal strike.  Baseball is baseball wherever you play it.  

He is most certainly no batter, my friend!

 He is certainly no batter!   

Batter, Batter, 

sweeeng, 

Batter!

The Iraqi president showed his lack of understanding of American sport, and blocked the pitch as if it were a punt. We should no longer be surprised he was drafted in the 2ND round by the Tennessee Titans.  Maliki has never played a game, but did get some great ratings at Scouting Camp.

I thought Maliki didn't understand that Bush knew what he was doing, That the President was only trying to run up the count on the pitcher.  Or so I had imagined. When they turned the camera around on the pedal pusher, all my confusion melted away like a Foxburo fog.

By the look of this scrum on the other side of the room, I'm now more inclined to agree with PM Maliki. There was clearly a blitz on.  (By the way, if Brady's healthy enough to attend a press conference, why wasn't he taking snaps against the Raiders yesterday?)

If Bush had read a book lately (the playbook!) he might have known the ball was coming, actually the shoe was coming, and this could have been the result:

Happy as a pigskin in you-know-what!

 

I suppose if Bush had owned a football team prior to being president, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now.

Alternative **cough** Explanations

So we're at home watching endless reruns of this play, watching George duck over and over, and the newscasters are calling this a "grave insult."  My wife cannot get enough of it, and is overcome with laughter at each new replay.  I wonder what the shoes could signify, and if they are in direct relation to Bush's actions, or the U.S., in some way.  Not knowing enough about Arab culture, and too lazy to do a quick Internet search,  I am left to stew in my imagination.

 Metaphors, I thought, that's what the shoes are!  Consider-

1)      Boots on the ground as the generals were repeating continually at one point, not enough of them in the early going.  This is certainly true, is it worth 2 shoes?  Shouldn't the shoe be a boot, then?

2)      This second suggestion to me seems a bit more likely:  The Bush Iraq policy stinks, and the man throwing the shoes made it a point of wearing old shoes and his socks were for 4 weeks prior to the press conference unchanged.  His urgency might then have come from getting the shoes as far away from himself as soon as possible, and the reporter's revulsion to his own foot odor would overcome any anxieties that were unsteadying his nerves.  Forcing a point of no return is a good way to compel one forward, I think.

3)      Perhaps he is proud of the new democracy in Iraq, and thinks Bush is a "shoe-in" for the Nobel Prize.  That might be Bush's interpretation, as that iconic grin never left the president's face, even in the midst of avoiding the flying footwear.  I must admit, however, that the reporter wasn't giving off a convincingly gracious vibe.

Rare company, indeed.

 

Exhausting that line of thinking, I considered if perhaps other pieces of clothing could be used to send different messages:

Glove- 

Maybe this should come from Maliki, and not the reporter.  The Prime Minister could present our Commander in Chief with something symbolizing his gratitude for what Bush had done for his career and family fortune.

Thanks for the cash, brother, now beat it!

 

Bra-

I believe our president could have used more support from the European Union.  Why else was he trying to take Chancellor Merkel's bra off?

"George, I've already told you, you're no Vladimir." 

Note:  that guy on the left is sooo jealous right now!

Jumpsuit-

Here's a chance to tidy up the country  by removing useless and unneeded items.

as seen on e-bay.iraq

 

Panties-

I know he's no Tom Jones, but this would be a major sign of respect.  Have you ever tried to get panties off anyone from a strict religious background?  Not that I'm suggesting that reporter was wearing panties, mind you. Let us for the sake of discussion imagine these quantumly possible delicates were thrown voluntarily, perhaps even with a sense of naive glee.   

Hmmm…. 

Another way to "Air it out"

Sister Batrille and a thong was not something that has occurred to me before, but I'm willing to consider it.   Perhaps a sort of sexual palate cleansing sorbet to rinse the taste of Mother Theresa and Angela Merkel's bra being undone.   

I can't say I ever imagined there was anything under there requiring undergarments when I sat in Sister Mary Noel's class, listening to the Sound of Music.  That music will cause me even today to flinch and count to 500 by 5's despite my best efforts to stop myself.

After a little googling and ogling,  I got some insight into the whole loafer tossing crisis.  I imagine the shoes are a sign of very specific signalling of disrespect that I imagine will be lost on our President.  The feet are thought to be unclean in Islamic culture, which would be logical enough considering the heat in the middle east, but Muslims go so far as to make the point by washing their feet prior to entering places of prayer.  I understand that it may be important to the reporter to make a point to the rest of the world, but his anger seemed very pointed and specific toward George W. Bush.  Perhaps something to wear while clearing brush would have driven the point home with more of a personal message:

Or is that too wordy?